Thirty Seconds To Mars - A Beautiful Lie

today i will write about the sorrow so what is really hiding  behind  the sorrow is it because of a love loneliness or depression maybe could be both of them because the are related to each other  and they can be a part of our life sometimes it is hard to express our feelings and other times when we reveal our feelings we feel exposed even if we fall in love and then we are hurt by  love not exactly by love  but by someone  who can't  love someone else someone whose heart is  made of stone it has thorns if you touch  his heart  then you will know then you re gonna bleed and cry all these sadness  causes in the heart and the head so much pain and confusion because you don't know what and how to escape all this pain and torment  and i feel it every single day what i suppose to do the only way is to try  to forget but i know it is pretty hard to erase  bad memories from the head but what keeps us alive is the hope we have inside that  there will come a day with  happiness and the tears you shed will never appear again in your eyes i feel so sad inside there are times  that i want to cry and other times to close my eyes and fall asleep just  to forget  how it is when i wake up every morning the sorrow it is impossible to be hidden especially when  the pain is so big and obvious then you  become weak tired and depressed and maybe you lead yourself to commit suicide when you ve lost the only thing that used to make you happy and smile every day and now every thing has  faded around you i am the only one that knows  myself very well. i'm so sad and this is getting worse day by day. there is always  a light behind the darkness and it is hard to find it without having find your way out of this endless dark it's killing me every single day feeling like that the only way to save me is to take me hand hold me in your arms and love me forever . today  i want to  say something new but not so good  all these days are the same to me it seems like i ve lost what  used to make me happy the smile from my face what is really the most important thing in this life be lonely or not and what if you fall in love then  your heart  is gonna be broken   and then dying for a love that it doesn't worth killing yourself  is not a solution but at the same time it is a ransom from your pain  when you re losing your mind you can't think clearly i personally don't know how to feel about what s happening i can't help myself why my psychology is getting down what happened to me it is like i fell from somewhere and i ve lost the strength to fight for what i am dreaming of. when sorrow  becomes sickness you end up losing your  mind then you try to search for a way out of this path and finally you realize that  you can't you    just can't pull yourself out of it this the dead end you are gonna live without passing it.love is an emotional in the mind and loneliness is like a slow death so i don't know what's best fall in love or  be alone for a whole life it seems that i still haven't the right answer to give about it but anyway i don't care nothing i think the only that can make a human really happy is to be successful  and gain fame and admiration concerning to the erotic sector i better  not to say more about it  because i m wasting  my precious time talking  about it  this is  the reality we can't change it 

the sorrow and pain  are drowning me  day  by day i can't  breathe  anymore i see it every single day and  night no life to live anymore the poison of hate has  destroyed a part of  my heart so why don't kill it and bury it under the ice  stop hurting me the sky is bleeding again just like my heart and it s crying shedding his tears on the ground just like my tears  that are falling down  on the floor. Will it ever end all this sorrow or do i have to  die  dark days are  here again  just to remind me how  my life is and will be forever that will lead to depression sooner or later  if you look in my eyes will you see it is it  obvious or not?  i ask myself what''s going wrong with you and i still have the answer i  m looking for what the hell is going on with me  i feel i ve lost  myself nobody can save me i m the only that  can save me  but it seems there is no way out for me to escape this  path the path of sorrow that  brings  the pain  in my body take me away take me away take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from this cruel world . i have so many things to say and write that's why  i will keep on writing about  the things  i feel inside my heart  and what creates these feelings inside i try to get over  the bad things that happened but  they are coming  constantly in my head  i think they will be erased only the day that i won't exist i wish i had  more happy memories to keep in my head i feel sad  almost every single day only my favorite music and singer make me a little happy  but deep inside i feel empty  emptiness is the worst feeling  more than the feeling of sorrow do you know how it is not to feel  nothing that  means that  your heart  is so broken  and that  there is no feeling anymore inside here it's  like someone took it from you i really don't know how to feel  no longer anger or destroy everything around me? should  i be good or  bad with the other people who  constantly treating  me awful like  a piece of shit they talk badly to me  they offend . i don't want these  kind  of people  in my life  i will kick their asses away the fucking  idiots who  think they are smarter than me  but to be  honest they don't  because nobody is  perfect  not even me  i run  out of words  right now but tomorrow  i hope i find something to write because i haven't finish yet . i think i have become depressing for some  reason the things i say all this  negativity and pessimism and the frustration  the bad treatment from the others  do you know how many times  i had thought of killing  myself  today the  morning that i woke up  i was ready to cry again when all this end when?  when  the  depression finds you weak will kill you for sure  only the strong  will survive through  this situation can your silent  heart scream and say stop hurting me can you feel the pain you cause when you break  a heart  do you know how it is to be  like that waking up and sleeping with the pain inside the heart and  tears in the eyes this is what  you  left  behind you and me . what will happen if depression comes in my  life  i suppose  i will  totally  lose  myself i ll be drowned in this feeling there will be no way out  of this  and then who's  gonna save me  it's time for  me to leave it  behind  i have to find the courage to fight for  my my life  try to be strong but how i can do it  while iam so weak inside  and that it seems how i can help myself  to change it  how i can prevent  myself from doing something  bad there are many  that i was thinking of dying  and this is happening  only when  someone  makes sad and make me cry when they treat me  bad you know i am a human too  i have  feeling although i try to  bury them they  are coming back on the surface just to remind me who i really am i have to stand high and find myself. today i feel sad moody i made a choice i decided to  not to hang out with this person. what's the point of bleeding for who doesn't really worth it you end  up losing yourself  and become depressed when someone is so weak  the other people will  take advantage of your situation and then you will  grow weaker than you were  ever before you 'll fall on the floor.Again in the middle of nowhere  lost and torn for good is there is  a light that will lead this  heart out of this way do you know where is it can  you see it through this endless darkness that came inside here can you save it the last moment  i see my hands bleed upon a red rose i see the thorns piercing me now i can see clearly  that love can  make  a heart bleed and die slowly. Do you feel the pain killing you slowly and you can't do anything to stop it   because you're so weak and defenseless in front of your depression. As the days go by  i feel more and more lost in the darkness of sorrow so it is and will  until i never know until is this is gonna  last for my whole life or not.sometimes it is hard to find your way when you're lost for a  long time it's like you walk with  the eyes closed. A girl is staring out of the window it has already to get dark  she feels so sad inside and it has so cold out she wants to go out and get lost in the darkness she wants to get freeze by the cold because her heart was so broken she just could'n't stop crying inside her anymore she heading into an unknown destination she didn't  know where to go she was walking   like a lost then she  made a  stop in a  corner she sat there until the rain started to fall on her then she started to get cold and fell asleep on the wet  sidewalk she said to herself i can't live like this anymore she closed her eyes and  the next morning she opened her eyes  only for once she looked at the sky for one last time and then she closed her sad eyes and never opened them again and her pain erased forever.i'm standing next  to the river i see myself through the  riverside i see my tears fall inside there i watch the blood  falling slowly from my veins i have started  already to bleed and the water in the river becomes red now i know  that this would be the end of me i saw my life to have been erased in a minute i hold my breath and dived into the river. I got lost in the dark that i chose to live in  and now i  can't find the way out  out of it